Mirror
by Angellpoint
Summary: Tony does some thinking, closely examaning the Port-to-port killer / EJ storyline.
1. One last score

_-One last score_

* * *

><p>She wasn't like any woman he had even encountered before, she wasn't what you expect at all and perhaps that was what intrigued him.<p>

He really couldn't lay his finger on it.

She was blonde, quite beautiful and she defiantly was a personality. A few years back he wouldn't even have stopped to think about romantically approaching her, a few years back Kate hadn't been brutally murdered, a few years back there wasn't Ziva, a few years back there hadn't been Jeanne.

A lot had happened in a few years, it felt like decades.

But she challenged him in a way Ziva didn't and she was like a mirror of what could've been another reason she was interesting.

Yes, Special Agent Erica Jane "EJ" Barrett defiantly had his mind spinning. She had him thinking of all the could've beens and all the what ifs.

He could've been there, he could've been a boss, a team leader, he could've been… he had to stop thinking about those options.

She triggered something in him most woman could never achieve, perhaps it would be fun to date her – something else.

Not like he and Ziva were ever gonna hit it off, now she was seeing that Ray he had no chance at all also he wasn't even sure if it would work out because between Gibbs' rules, the director's speculations and their past Ziva and him had a lot of things to work out if they even wanted to try – probably why they hadn't tried yet.

He continued looking through the folders placed on his desk and ignored the small tread of footsteps approaching.

"Working late huh?" he turned around to see EJ Barrett standing behind him, her hair wet and dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a large hoodie.

"Just finishing things up" he replied, thinking back about their almost kiss and the meaning behind her words.

She walked towards him – her hips don't swing that much like Ziva's do, he noticed – and then she looked at him.

In that moment he realized that this could work, there wasn't a catch with her. Kate had been like a sister to him and he never imaged anything with her, Ziva was practically impossible, Jeanne had been possible but he had to give up Tony Dinozzo and become Tony Dinardo and he just couldn't live a lie, then there had been his short obsession with Dana Hutton and to be honest with himself he totally had been fooling himself with her.

And now there was EJ.

He stood up and faced her again looking into her sea blue eyes, she looked right back – unfazed.

She talked to herself, she was funny, she was cocky, she was athletic, she was smart, she had the job he could've had.

She had bad sides, she had good sides but so had he.

He was cocky, he was childish, he was immature, he was a senior field agent for almost ten years now, he was not appreciated much, he was athletic, he was a lot of things.

He stepped a little closer nearly closing the gap between them, and wiped away a stray of hair that had escaped her bun.

"You can be so much more" she whispered her eyes portraying the honesty, his other hand found its way to her face too. Rachel had said the same, she had believed in him too and told him Kate had done the same.

It was risky, and there was a fifty/fifty percent chance it would work with them being so similar but he was willing to risk it.

She took the initiative and her lips brushed against his, he tightened the grip on her and deepened the kiss.

This could work.


	2. Out of the frying pan

_-Out of the Frying Pan_

* * *

><p>They had talked a lot, and by that he meant a lot.<p>

After that kiss she smiled, one of the most beautiful smiles he had ever seen and then he included Ziva, Jeanne and all of the other beautiful woman in his life.

Then without saying anything at all she had walked towards the elevator and left, leaving him standing there.

She had asked him to take it slow, and for once he was perfectly fine with it – if he had wanted a quickie just to show off that he could have anyone he wanted then he would've gone to a bar.

He was perfectly happy with her decision, he had been thinking along the same lines.

And really when were they to spend much time together? Between her moving here, finding a place, making sure everything was ready for when her team moved here, keeping Vance updated _and_ all the other basic stuff a human needs like rest he really couldn't picture himself interfering in that time table – so he kept distance.

Until two days after their kiss, she had called him and given him a rant of how he couldn't just dump her like that – like some highschool girl.

And then she had been totally blown away by his voice telling her "I just wanted to give you some time", she had told him that she had had her time now.

So since then they had talked over the phone nearly every day, or at least once in two days.

Of course little miss David had noticed how he had acted, Mcgee had joked that in a real sensitive manner that he probably was undercover again and Gibbs… Gibbs just raised his eyebrow once and left it at that.

And he was fine with it.

Because he was still in the doubting phase – he wasn't sure she was something for him and if he wanted it to be something more than a fling.

Hell, right now he would doubt the fact that they had a 'fling'.

Before this he never had to think this hard about the simple fact that he had kissed with somebody he really liked – except Jeanne of course – and he never had to think about what would come next, normally he would decide that even with Jeanne he had held the power and now it was in between.

His head hurt, he really should stop thinking about this.

EJ, Erica Jane, Barrett.

It wasn't a name you'd hear a lot, but then again he never heard of 'Ziva' either before said lady joined the team.

This morning he had nearly blew his 'I just met EJ Barrett and don't know anything about her act' although he was fairly sure he had blown it before but this morning even he had caught his slip.

Ziva's not so subtle questions and Mcgee's raised eyebrows and sarcastic glance were enough conformation, the only thing that could make it worse was if…

One Abby Scuito would choose sides – after that the battle had been fought.

He would like to know where he stood with EJ, how she saw him, what she thought they had, hell any information would be great right now.

"Tony?" he turned and saw standing behind him the one and only Miss David, raising her beautifully arched eyebrows.

"Yeah?" he replied, his eyes glancing towards the letter she was holding – he couldn't make out the handwriting.

"Nothing you just seemed… out of it." She gave him a nervous smile – which was rare considering Ziva David didn't get nervous very often – and walked a little closer.

He looked at the letter again and saw that the handwriting belonged to mysterious Mr. Miami – also known as Ray.

He swallowed back his honest reply about how he had been thinking about EJ and was wondering if she knew something and instead gave her some good ol' Bullshit "Just imaging that I'm on the Bahama's with a few of my lovely lady friends" he wiggled his eyebrows at her, instantly her serious façade fell and she rolled her eyes.

The fact that he could fool her so easily stung a little but 'Ray' also stung a little so he guessed it didn't really matter all that much.

Now he could resume to his endless thinking about one EJ Barrett and question what he should do with her…

Dump her?

Continue with her?

Drop by her?

There were so many options, so many answers, so many wrongs, so many rights that right now he decided that his best option was to wait it out – and not jump right in the middle like he normally did.

Also judging from all the paperwork that had to be done since Metro wanted everything refilled from the Peyton case he probably would be too wrapped up into it to really think about anything else.

Yeah, he just had to turn down the 'think' button in his head.

Easier said than done.


	3. Tell all

_-Tell all_

* * *

><p>"<em>Have you seen Agent Barrett?" <em>Such an simple question, yet he didn't have an simple answer – Ziva and her sneaky ninja skills.

Of course he over-reacted, he saw it in the way Ziva's eyes squeezed together – scrutinizing him – how her hands moved their way to her hips and how her lips slightly pouted.

"_Why do you keep asking about her?"_ and of course he should've known she was going to answer with a – this is the first time – responds because really she was kinda right.

It had been the first time she had openly asked if he was seeing EJ but in his head she had asked a thousand times already, with her subtle glances, her poking around, her gentle asking what he been doing last night.

"_She intrigues me"_ he never would've seen that one coming, Ziva was intrigued by EJ?

The first meeting had been nothing more than uncomfortable for the two woman, also the way Ziva had been complaining about EJ dropping into their conversation… - he had just assumed Ziva had already drawn her conclusion.

Perhaps she had and just didn't want any trouble.

Last week's he hadn't really spoken to EJ often, he had been busy, she had been busy – it was understandable.

Yes, Ziva she was assembling her team.

What else would she do? He thought he held it together pretty good in the woman's shower.

Thinking about it he and Ziva always were having interesting conversations in interesting places, the man's room, the woman's shower, a broken down warehouse – he could think of plenty of other places.

"_I wonder when she's due back"_ it had been the perfect trap and he had fallen right into it, with his immediate responds of "_me too"_.

Of course it had satisfied Ziva, her eyes relaxed a bit and the smallest hint of a victory smile made its way to her mouth – her eyebrows held the question, of how much he wanted to see EJ.

It wasn't against the rules he told himself, technically agents could not date each other if they were on the same team or working together closely in any other way – he wasn't working with EJ closely so…

Then he had given Ziva a very good directed hint of 'Everyone deserves their privacy', he had nearly slipped because the words 'me too' were already on his tong before he realized it.

He had quickly changed the words in 'Even Leroy Jethro Gibbs' and hurried out of the woman's showers.

Ziva was on to him, he should be careful with her.

He took another sip of his beer and looked around his place for the first time that evening, taking note of the messy pile of clothes next to his bed, of his neatly stacked DVD's and the half-empty pizza in front of him.

It was an classic bachelor apartment, and in that moment he realized that he wanted more – he had gotten a taste of the 'more' part with Jeanne but it hadn't been the same he knew then that it could never work.

He also knew that Erica Jane Barrett was very much alike him and probably had had around the same number of men as he had had woman.

What he didn't know was if she was a kind of person that could even have a serious relationship, because deep down in his heart he knew that _that_ was what he needed.

A serious relationship.

Because he really didn't want to be some old grumpy man sitting all by himself one day, he also didn't want to find out he was a father of some girl when he was seventy because he hadn't been careful, no he wanted a good healthy relationship.

And he was gonna get it, for now he could see it work with EJ but like his father always said – enough woman out there Anthony, if one doesn't work out you take the next one.

He never thought he hear himself say it but he wanted a family, a wife to come home to, perhaps a child.

Above all, he wanted to be happy.

Just plain ol' happy.


	4. Two faced

_- Two-faced_

* * *

><p>The skylight was bugging her.<p>

Really, what a topic change – he actually should've seen it coming yet he didn't and that was what he really liked about her.

He really had had a fantastic night with her, he had made a wonderful dinner for her and they had watched one of her favorite movies then she had playfully suggested that they perhaps should lie down because 'Man, I'm tired' and after that he had had a wonderful night with her.

Really, there wasn't any complaining about her.

She was beautiful, playful and just like he had told Ziva at the bar a woman he understood.

Also today he did something many people would've thought he was incapable of, he told Ziva to go to Ray because really he knew that Ray loved her and he wanted her to be happy even though Ray had a slightly slick way of talking.

Also Ray could hold himself, it actually was necessarily to be able to hold yourself when you were dating someone as fierce as Ziva.

He approved.

Didn't mean he wasn't going to dig up some favors and ask around about this Ray person, he wanted Ziva to be happy so if going behind her back and looking up her boyfriend to make sure he really was an okay guy well he take the blame.

"Cm'n you silly, I wanna sleep" EJ murmured next to him, he yet had to tell her that the Port-to-Port killer basically had contacted him.

He knew he really should tell her, she would be pissed as hell when she found out this morning but he wanted her to get a good night of sleep.

He snuggled closer to her and looked into her beautiful sea blue eyes and took a deep breath "Need to tell you something, then you can sleep" he whispered, instantly he had her attention.

When he came back from the bar a few hours earlier he apparently had acted slightly 'odd' and she being the good investigator she was had asked what was wrong and followed her gut.

She eventually had let it rest to his great relief – because she could be really determined – and had told him 'I'll find out eventually'.

"Tony?" She asked, he had unconsciously started rubbing her back his mind knowing that it was something she enjoyed.

"Today at the bar, Some guy bought me a drink – it was our killer" he slowly replied, instantly her eyes shot wide open and she got all worked up.

"What! Why didn't you tell me before, what did he do! Wait… why haven't I been called!" she all but yelled at him, it reminded him a bit of the scene she and Gibbs had caused in the bullpen earlier.

"I wasn't sure how to tell you, Ziva and I didn't see him he bought me a drink, then how do I know that this was our killer? In the drink was one ice cube with an eyeball in it, you haven't been called yet because I assured them that I would tell you" he hastily explained.

Gibbs had been pissed as hell when he arrived, he could not blame the man – getting called late in the night after such an tiring day only to hear that some lunatic decided to give his agent a drink and that he needed to come because of that – also he had experienced first hand what is was like to… participate in a conversation with one EJ Barrett.

"Hmm" she murmured to his chest, he felt one of her hands tighten in his and if possible she snuggled even closer to him.

"Gibbs threatened me today" She said in a matter of fact kind of way, it shouldn't have surprised him but it kind of did – Gibbs could be professional.

"He's real possessive ya know" she continued, possessive? What the hell did she mean with that, if he had to describe Gibbs the word possessive wouldn't come up in it.

"He told me to stay away from you" answering his unspoken question, Gibbs had told EJ to stay away from him? Now _that_ really made no sense at all.

"He took me by surprise, asked me if we were sleeping together" she was like him that way, she could sense someone's confusion as easily as he could – he found it kinda cute.

"He was talking about his rules or something like it, don't know" Ahh, the infamous rule 12 – had he broken it? Perhaps he was breaking it now, since EJ and him were involved and working together…

Also he shouldn't be really surprised to know that Gibbs had known all along that he was involved with EJ, the man just had a knack for knowing these sorts of things.

He kissed her on the forehead and heard a noncommittal sound and knew she was on the verge of sleep – she like him had had a rough day.

So much had happened these days, it was hard keeping track.

First they had been introduced to the port-to-port killer a real piece of work, and then Ziva's mysterious boyfriend finally showed up and oh…

He wasn't even sure how to describe CIRay, his first impression had been that the guy was a bit of a know-it-all but unlike Rivkin he had set aside his first impression and had tried to like the guy.

He was still in the processing vase.

Then EJ Barrett had been replaced by Special Senior Agent EJ Barrett and had taken over their case, yeah that had been a surprise – also they had had their first small argument and nearly broke up.

But it was a small argument.

Then there had been the little scene in the bullpen where everybody silently had asked him where he stood.

He didn't know, he wanted to say with his team but EJ… there was something about her that made her special.

Then things had gotten real interesting with Gibbs making it clear he didn't approve of EJ's methods, first in the bullpen with her 'hunch' then in interrogation.

The kid must've thought he landed in a freak show rather than a federal building, but to be honest he could see EJ's tactic working but working with Gibbs' he had seen the man crack a few nuts too.

He felt like he was standing on an intersection.

His team didn't like EJ one bit and he liked her a lot.

With a serial killer on the loose who was probably going to cause a lot more of problems, EJ wanting to go 'permanent' as she put it – and not just with working here he wasn't an idiot she had told him that she too could see this work.

He and she were going… permanent.

He sighed deeply and let the scent of her hair get to him and then closed his eyes, he could think more about this later right now he needed sleep.

Because EJ wasn't going anywhere and neither was he.

He would make this work.


	5. Dead Reflection

_- Dead Reflection_

He could feel it.

Again.

He had the same feeling of unease back when he was dating Jeanne and things were finally wrapping up only to blow up in his face.

Yeah, that same feeling was surfacing again.

Today had been… interesting

The murder at the pentagon had been a real enigma, add to that EJ's team arriving…

He already had made 'friends' with Agent Cade, but come on that guy is huge and well… he couldn't just let it lay there right? Those clothes, he still had to bite back a laugh when he thought about it.

It did however bother him that his team, the almighty and by some – mostly the rookies – feared Team Gibbs, had been pulled of the case this quickly.

Because really he could understand EJ's need to finish this case herself, he would've had the same need, but he didn't understand why they couldn't work together – they had been of help after all.

He looked out at the dark sky and rainy weather and sighed, why couldn't things just slow down for once.

Because – not that he would admit it to Abby – he too felt that something was changing, and knowing his record of trouble he could almost say for certain that it wouldn't be good.

Vance was looking for trouble lately

They – whatever they were on the case or not – had to worry about a serial killer being loose in DC

Gibbs was doubting him

Ziva and Mcgee were on that path too, or at least Ziva was.

And to finish the beautiful list of things that were going totally wrong, EJ was still not on good terms with his team.

He clenched his fists together, why couldn't things just turn out good for him just this once?

Whenever he was dating a woman and things were looking good – yeah, Jeanne hadn't been the only one – something would happen and he would have to leave.

He seriously wanted to punch something.

Talking to Gibbs hadn't solved anything, it perhaps just had made things worse between them.

"_I depend on you"_ he'd never heard Gibbs say something quite like that, well he had depended on Gibbs too – a lot of times.

And Gibbs too hadn't lived up to those expectations all the time – yeah he wasn't superman – so why couldn't he?

If he had to sum up every little thing that had happened between them and then point out the biggest disappointment he wouldn't even have think – him and Mexico really didn't get along.

He could however solve this little thing between them, very easily to be exact – he could break up with EJ.

But he didn't, he didn't want to do it, he didn't want to leave her.

In some ways she was his opposite and in some ways she was his clone, she was perfect – at least for him.

The eyeball also still bugged him, it had been send to him – Not to Ziva, not to EJ, not to Gibbs, not Mcgee, no it had been send to him.

Also the person who the eyeball belonged to either was some high up shitty face who had allowance to MTAC or it was some other agents around the building, EJ's hunch narrowed down their list of possible suspect a lot quicker then thought possible.

Yet she still had to find the person the eyeball belonged to and unless that person had undergone surgery on his eye to have it removed or whatever that person was dead.

The latter one seemed more likely.

"Tony? You okay?" Mcgee suddenly appeared out of nowhere and for once he didn't pull up his clown-like mask, he sighed deeply.

"Yeah, for now" if Mcgee thought that was a strange remark he choose not to commend, instead the younger agent headed to his desk and grabbed something out of it.

"You know, EJ and you I think it'll work… just, be careful" Mcgee carefully eyed him, but his voice didn't waver like it would've in his rookie days. It was kind of sweet of Tim to say that considering he only found out about me and EJ's relationship today, he nodded his thanks.

With that Mcgee left the building again, and once again the squad room was empty – all alone expect for the cleaning guy who was sweeping up some random trash a few feet away.

So perhaps he was in a world of shit right now, and perhaps things were looking quite distressing he could still change some things.

He hit the power button of his old computer and patiently waited for it to power up, once powered up he typed in 'Simon Cade' and 'Gayne Levin'.

He could research her team, at least try to like them…

He could do that for EJ

Knowing that he could be making a fatal fault right now he picked up the phone and typed in a by now familiar number.

After three rings the person answered "Barrett" just like he answered his phone but he put that little fact away- a lot of agent answered their phones like that.

"You know I was thinking…"


	6. Baltimore

_-Baltimore_

Hawaii.

He let it roll of his tongue, Hawaii.

It sure was pretty there, a lot of beautiful women, white beaches, lovely temperature and good moijito's.

Unlike his apartment.

He drowned his scotch down, normally he'd go down for a beer less alcohol but today he needed something stronger.

After a day like this he normally find some company in some club or go to Gibbs' house watch him sand his boat, but now he was alone in his apartment.

And for the first time since they had been dating he wished she was at his apartment, just her being here would have been enough.

But she wasn't here, no she was in Hawaii…

Freakin' Hawaii

He kinda missed her blonde hair, the way she would swing it backwards and raise her eyebrow at him then challenge him.

He shook his head and reminded himself of one of the most important rules ever, never get in over your head.

He pondered for a moment, he had made enough mistakes in his life just by getting in over his head.

Wendy, had been the biggest of course except that he really couldn't have foreseen what would happen.

He really couldn't.

Jeanne, he could have seen that one coming miles ahead yet he still fell for it.

Apparently you can't have it all.

Then of course came Ziva, or maybe not. They never did anything nor had anything happened but still…

He shook his head, he was already remembering way too much, all of the drawers which held his memories safely boxed away were beginning to rattle.

Threatening to spill over.

He took another swing from his scotch, he'd deal with it then when the boxes would spill over.

He closed his eyes and cleared his mind, Danny was history – literally now – and he should keep it that way.

It never resulted in something good when you went ahead and dove right back into the closet containing your skeletons.

He'd leave that door shut for now.


End file.
